did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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