Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
