forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
