do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
