I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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