Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
