I CAN MOONWALK!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
