I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
do nipples grow back?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
