im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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