I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
