she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize