My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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