The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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