you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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