Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
