she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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