I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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