I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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