ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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