Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
