we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
