My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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