So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
