oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
