You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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