I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
