ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
