I want to walk on stilts...naked
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
