This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
