I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
