Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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