yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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