I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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