I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
