Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
