He uses pillows to masturbate.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize