Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
