i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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