After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
