just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
