Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
