He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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