So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
