put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
