i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
