where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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