So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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