we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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