Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
