Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
