fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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