dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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