lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
