feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
