I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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