And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
