Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize