Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
