thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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