Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She bit a glass in half.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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