the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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