Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
