sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
