my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
