When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
