Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
